Talking to an aging parent about lasting power of attorney (LPA) can feel uncomfortable. It’s an emotional topic wrapped up in ideas of independence, health, and control. However, discussing an LPA before there’s any urgent need is one of the best ways to ensure you respect your parent’s wishes if they cannot make decisions themselves.
So, how do you begin a conversation that feels so loaded? Here’s how to review lasting power of attorney with an aging parent.
Understanding the Hesitation
Avoiding these discussions is common for aging parents. An LPA can feel like an admission of vulnerability, while adult children often worry about causing offense or seeming too forward. However, this decision isn’t about taking away independence but protecting it.
You can help reframe the conversation as one of empowerment. Even small decisions about health or finances can become stressful without a plan or unclear during a crisis. Framing the LPA as a proactive, caring choice makes a big difference.
Choose the Right Moment
As with any sensitive subject, timing and setting matter. Aim for a quiet, neutral moment—perhaps during a walk or over a cup of tea—when no one feels rushed or emotional.
You might also use real-life situations as a starting point. Gently ask, “Have you ever thought about how you’d want decisions made in a situation like that?” if your parent mentions a friend’s illness or hospital stay. Choosing this moment to broach the subject makes the topic feel more natural and less formal.
Simplify the Details
Your parent may not fully understand what a lasting power of attorney involves. Keep the explanation simple: an LPA is a legal document that allows someone they trust to make decisions on their behalf if they lose mental capacity. Understanding the progression and stages of dementia can be particularly important in these discussions, as it highlights why early planning is essential before their cognitive decline affects their decision-making ability.
This distinction may be relevant if you have family members living in multiple states or countries. For example, a parent living in Coachella Valley, CA, will require different documentation, such as a durable power of attorney. Though the terminology and scope vary, a durable power of attorney serves a similar purpose.
Listen First, Advise Second
Listening is the most important part of this conversation. Your parents may have strong opinions, past experiences, or concerns they’ve never voiced. They might worry about choosing between children or about losing control over their life.
Resist the urge to lead with solutions. Instead, ask open questions such as, “What would make you feel most comfortable?” or “Have you thought about who you’d trust to help you if needed?” You can also mention complimentary planning tools when the time feels right—such as an advance care directive (also known as a living will).
Start Small, But Start
Remember that these discussions are more about empathy than expertise, especially if you’re unsure how to review lasting power of attorney with an aging parent. Help your aging parents feel secure in making decisions about their care before a time comes when they no longer can. You can turn a difficult topic into a meaningful and empowering discussion by approaching the conversation with patience and a genuine desire to help.
